Hello there, welcome!
Before we get into some future topics, here is an abridged version of our story.
(Written in 2017, updated 2020) Nine years ago, we were a normal family. We have three amazing kids and live in the same town in which I grew up. We had a normal life — school, homework, sports, were active in a local church, had friends, celebrated holidays, did normal things and made plans.
In 2011, our lives changed abruptly.
Our then 12 year old son, Carson, who had always been healthy fell suddenly and violently ill with severe digestive illness. In a matter of weeks he went from being a strong, happy, vibrant child to a pale, thin, weak boy suffering with unrelenting extreme pain. Over the last nine years we have done every single kind of medical and natural treatment possible. Trust me when I say there is nothing I haven’t heard about. We have taken him all over the country and done everything we could do. I’m talking E V E R Y T H I N G.
We’ve lived in the hospital for 23 hospitalizations in total, some of them months long. He carries seventeen diagnosis’… Crohn’s Disease, Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis, Eosinophilic Gastritis, Eosinophilic Esophagitis, Delayed Growth, Chronic Anemia and severe Osteoporosis to name a few. Many months we’ve used feeding tubes to give him broken down elemental baby formula to survive. For two years he received his nutrition intravenously 24/7. He no longer has a large intestine.
I cannot express in simple words the devastation that our lives became. For years I watched my son continually starve to death. The desperate dark places of my exhausted emotions and the constant trauma almost destroyed our marriage and family. But it didn’t.
Here’s where the story starts to get better…
About seven years ago and through a set of circumstances, God’s light began to break though my darkness. I became desperate for Him, desperate to understand our situation in the context of His life and His word, and He started to take me on a long, painful, glorious journey. While our physical situation was still horrific every day, I began to see things from a different perspective, one that was filled with hope.
It was HARD, and it was a FIGHT. It is an ACT OF WAR to choose hope when all of life is telling you there is no reason for hope. (If you would like to read more about how I fought my way out of the darkness, you can find that in two parts, Part 1 and Part 2. Some of you are in this place right now.
I knew that Carson would not always be sick even though the doctors say his condition will be life-long. God told me from the very beginning it would be a fight, and not to believe everything we heard. We’ve worked hard in not taking on the labels that doctors wanted to give him, and by this I mean yes, a physical diagnosis can exist but we listen first to the voice of God as a reference point. I don’t believe that just because a doctor says something is true, it automatically is. While I’ve known that Carson will be well again, everything in our physical circumstances continues to scream the opposite. Maybe those on the outside think I am simply in denial. All I can say is our faith is strong in what God has promised.
God will meet you where you are, if you take a step towards Him. His heart is so full of love for all people. He hears you. He sees you. You matter.
The subjects I write about may not appeal to everyone, I get that. The years of pain have brought me to the place where I have little tolerance for meaningless conversation or trivial subjects. Long term suffering has that affect on you.
I promise you that I won’t write unless I am compelled by Him. When the Spirit is involved, words carry a power and a weight. Personally, I am always looking for that which comes out of people that have spent time with Jesus.
Developing a close relationship with Him is the most important journey you can ever take, the most fulfilled you will ever be, EVERYTHING else pales in comparison. This is available to every single person on the planet.
Carson is now 21 and is still very ill. He barely leaves the house, so I don’t either. I spend my days trying to make him as comfortable as possible.
I live both completely heartbroken and full of hope. Those two things can coexist.
BUT, you definitely want to stay nearby for the rest of our story. There are amazing things we know that God has told us are coming. Carson will be completely well again, and he has a future. Carson believes this completely and without reservation too.
I’m honored to meet you. Thank you for taking the time to be here.