A while back I was scrolling mindlessly through social media when an image containing a quote halted me:
(Mario Murillo-Facebook(public)-8/21/18)
If you have “been to Gethesemane” you know what he means. It’s the excruciatingly painful gut-wrenching process of laying down whatever we think we have a right to.
✔️ If you do not carry your own cross (die to self, relinquish rights) you cannot be my disciple. (Luke 14:27)
✔️ Don’t begin until you count the cost. (vs. 28)
✔️ You cannot be my disciple without giving up everything you own. (vs.33)
I have to do this every day. Once is not enough. Some mornings it takes me two hours of crying/praying/wrestling to come to a settled place again. For me it sounds like this:
I give up my right to have a healthy son.
I give up my right to not watch him continually suffer.
I give up my right to understand.
I completely defer to Your will in this situation.
It feels like more than I can endure. Choosing this every day has made Gethsemane a daily thing, a lifestyle. It was a lifestyle for Jesus, he made this choice every day of His earthly life to show us how to do it. We get a clear glimpse of it on the night before His torturous death, but He was already accustomed to making this continual decision.
Father, please if there is any other way. Nevertheless your will supersedes my own. Your will be done, not mine. Jesus had every legal reason to every right imaginable. He relinquished it all.
He is not a God asking us to do the unthinkable who has not first demonstrated giving up everything to the will of His Father. It was agony. Yet He chose.
He did this because He trusted His Father. He believed in the benefit, believed in the promises, believed it was worth it.
What about our promises? If I’ve been told by God that something will happen, is it not a “right” I have as one of His children to expect its fulfillment?
Here’s the point: I can know and believe what God has said will happen and stand in strong faith while at the same time continually relinquishing my right to see it happen.
This is the only way to live through deep suffering. My Carson knows this. The crushing weight of a hundred disappointments is extremely difficult to endure and overcome.
We can withstand it only when our rights to everything, even the things God has promised us in this life, are dead to us.
Not many will understand this. I’m convinced that’s why Jesus said, “The gateway to life is very narrow and the road is difficult, and only a few ever find it.” (Matt. 7:14)
The few that choose the Gethsemane lifestyle know that life is truly found only in the continual relinquishing and dying of our rights.
Our repeated choice to die is actually what leads us into life.
10 Comments
Sending love and hugs…and prayer. Wish we could do more, Bryn. Thank you for sharing your heart and your journey, Much love!!
So true, but so hard . . . Praying always for all of you . . .
Dying to self & my will isn’t easy but it is the only way to bring peace to our heart. Not knowing God’s plan is difficult but knowing He has a plan brings peace.
My heart truly goes out to Carson & his suffering & to your family having to watch him suffer I know must be really difficult for you all. I continue to pray for Carson & for God’s Will to be done. It certainly has been a long road for him to walk & for you all, for which I am so very sorry. ????
So powerful! And so true!
«Here’s the point: I can know and believe what God has said will happen and stand in strong faith while at the same time continually relinquishing my right to see it happen.»
I’m moved beyond words. Thank you for sharing your heart and hard-earned experience. Much love to you! ❤️
My heart breaks for your suffering and certainly for Carson- but what I just read is from a heart that not only is a threat to the enemy, but a DELIGHT to God! It is THAT kind of faith that is so POWERFUL in your testimony Bryn. Thank you SO much for sharing- even when it’s hard.
Thank you for the update Bryn. So sorry to hear that things are getting worse instead of better.
That’s a short, powerful, and convicting sermon, Bryn. I say it every time, but I mean it every time – thank you for sharing your heart, your story, and your life with us. Love you, sweet friend and still praying with you for healing.
Dearest Bryn, I’m so sorry to hear that Carson had to undergo major surgery. As a mother who recently lost an adult son who gave us some worrisome times,
my heart breaks for your family. God is near to the broken hearted and he certainly hears your cries and is with you in all this pain. I pray Carson and all your family can see beyond your cross to the joy of your crown. This is a suffering world and that drives us to pray Thy kingdom come Abba, soon please Heavenly Father. May He comfort you all as you wait for Carson’s healing.
Praying for Carson and your family !!
Dear Bryn,
It has been awhile since I have read your blog and was so sad to hear about Carson’s continued suffering. Yet his suffering has brought you and your family closer to God. And your faith stronger. Your bravery as a mother & a follower of God is is an inspiration for those of us who are still too scared to fully give ourselves up to “him”.