Three years ago God started to talk to me about the cause of our son’s illness. (If you are unfamiliar with his health battle, you can learn more here.)
The idea gripped me. It turned my world upside down. The idea was this:
Carson’s illness didn’t have a physical cause, but actually a spiritual one.
He confirmed to me that Carson was destined to affect many people in his life in a positive way, and that the enemy had attempted to stop him at a young age from living his purpose. It wasn’t only about him, it was also about his brother and our family as a whole.
What?? My son, destined for something that made the forces of hell so unnerved that it warranted this ferocious attack on his life??
And what was I supposed to do with this information? I was living in a physical world dealing with real symptoms, doctors and hospitals. I had no clue what to do about it.
Carson was healthy until the age of twelve, then suddenly was not. Everything we tried had only made every symptom worse, despite seeing the best doctors in the country. Carson’s body defied every available treatment. Nothing about it made any sense.
For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. (Ephesians 6:12)
Whether you have ever realized it or not, there has always been a plan in place to destroy you, along with a plan in place to keep you unaware of it. Satan’s goal for your life is to wreak havoc, sometimes in your health or a multitude of other ways without you suspecting his involvement. If this makes you uncomfortable, that’s precisely what he wants you to feel. We have a natural aversion to the unpleasant ideas we don’t want to face. Ignoring him doesn’t make his destruction in your life any less true or cause him to go away. What I know now that I didn’t know at first is that there is always a spiritual cause for something that manifests in the physical realm.
Consider that God has always been about challenging our paradigms that are stuck. Jesus did it 24/7 while He walked the earth, and He is no different today. What we think we know can keep us from learning what we actually need to know unless we allow Him to change our mindset.
At first I kept the whole idea to myself. Who would believe me anyway?
Eventually God sent people that believed this as well. They came to me, I didn’t seek them out. At first there were a few online acquaintances that turned into friends, but now we have a no-joke serious prayer team of people here locally that came along to surround us believing the same thing.
Last year, a friend who hardly knew our situation told me what she was seeing in the Spirit:
Bryn, I see lightning and thunder, loud crashes and electrical cracking in the air over you and your son. I sense the warfare over his life and the battle is raging.
That’s pretty much what it feels like every hour of every day. Her words gave me validation.
God is taking us through a process. I don’t know why He is doing it this way, but I know it will be the subject of future discussions and writings. He is trying to teach us all something, not only for the benefit of my family but also for yours.
Let me clarify. It’s a spiritual process, not a physical one. Physically Carson has been in a slow, horrendous decline. Spiritually though, he becomes stronger by the day. I am in both constant anguish over his continuous suffering while also in constant awe. It’s hard to explain. It’s the kind of thing you can only see if you choose to look at a situation through spiritual eyes.
We know victory for Carson is coming. We’ve been told this clearly by God several times. I say this in humble gratefulness knowing that not everyone has a clear personal promise from God about the resolution of their illness.
In March I was praying in the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia chapel as I have done hundreds of times over the years.
Usually I sit in there, meeting with silence, feeling helpless and deeply sad. But on this particular day, the Father said to me:
Every time you make the excruciating choice to trust and believe in the middle of your horrific pain, you are doing exactly what Jesus did in the Garden of Gethsemane. And even before that, as My Son gave up much to come to the earth to redeem man. He made that choice every day of His earthly life as well, to stay the course. So when you do this, in the deepest way possible, you are identifying with Him.
And just like His, your choice will be worth more than you know.
This morning while reading I saw a phrase that I hadn’t noticed before. Right after His agonizing final choice in the Garden of Gethsemane, He was betrayed and arrested by a gang of thugs with clubs, which was dumb because He had never hurt anyone.
Why didn’t you arrest me in the Temple? I was there every day. But this is your moment, the time when the power of darkness reigns. (Luke 22:53)
Turns out it was only a moment. A brief time when the powers of darkness thought they were winning, but it was totally fake. The powers of darkness were so defeated three days later, they will be forever reeling from it.
In our house it looks physically like darkness is reigning. But that’s not the truth. We are living in the “moment” that they only think they have won. But defeat for them is sure. We’ve been promised.
For I, the Lord, love justice. I hate robbery and wrongdoing. I will faithfully reward my people for their suffering…(Isaiah 61:8)
Maybe in your life it feels like darkness is reigning. Evil seems to be winning. Ask Him for spiritual eyes to see. Things are not always what they seem.
He might show you what’s really going on.
You don’t know me, but your parents attend the same church that we do and are in a small group which meets at our home. We pray for you, Carson and your family often, both corporately and individuallY.
Thank you for having the courage to share what you did today. I believe there is so much truth in what the Lord is speaking to you. I will be sharing your post with a dear friend of mine who has been chronically sick for many years. She is someone I love to be around because even as her faith she is someone I love to be around because even as her suffering runs deep, her faith and love and trust in her Savior runs deeper.
Again, thank you Bryn. May the Lord strengthen you in your inner being as you care for and intercede for your son.
In the grip of His grace,